Sorry for the picture, but if they can show it on the Discovery Channel, I say it’s ok for Blogosis.
Now that image is in your head, picture this scene:
15 year old African tribal girl has no vagina. No uterus either. We’ll call her Jane.
Jane has a boyfriend. How cute. We’ll call him Fred.
Jane gives head to a guy…who is not her boyfriend. His name is George.
Immediately after the BJ, Fred walks in and catches Jane cheating.
Fred gets mad and gets into a knife fight with George.
In the struggle, Jane accidentally gets stabbed into the belly.
George’s sperm falls out of Jane’s stomach gash and into her abdominal cavity.
And seeps into her fallopian tubes.
And fertilizes an egg.
Jane goes to hospital 9 months later and delivers a healthy baby boy via C-Section.
The fuck? Yeah this is a true story. ABC News earned its best headline ever. You can make that up. If you did, people would think…well…that you made it up.
The odds this exact chain of events goes down is beyond ridiculous. The time frame between swallowing the load and being stabbed in the gut would have had to be just minutes because the acidic stomach would have chewed up the sperm who can only really thrive in basic environments. This is like winning the lottery…three times. Only the opposite when it comes to quality the reward. Couple that with the whole no vagina thing and you’ve got a damn near paradox. By the way, the no vagina disease is called Müllerian agenesis or Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome if you prefer the more selfish version. A shockingly high, 1 in 5000 women have it.
Talk about a pissed off George though. Dude is thinking he’s all sly by getting with his buddy’s girlfriend and the crazy bitch gets knocked up in a way his mom and dad told him wasn’t possible. Now he’s locked in for 18 years paying a child support of 20 roots, 10 berries, and an elephant hide a month.
That’ll teach him to watch his knife when he gets into fights immediately following a sexual encounter.