Blogosis doesn’t usually tap into the celebrity gossip world, but I couldn’t resist posting this incredible mug shot. Gary Coleman was arrested for domestic abuse charges in his Utah home the other day. Dude’s 41 years old and married to a 23 year old crazy bitch woman who was arrested her self back in the summer for destroying their home.

I really hesitate to even add commentary to this story because it’s hilarious in and of itself. Plus, it helps to be able to post wedding pictures like this one:

It’s hard for me to feel sorry for Gary Coleman, though. Sure he is the prototypical butt to all jokes celebrity, and his catch phrase has been abused far worse than his wife probably was. Oh, and he’s also 4 feet 8 inches. But he’s made a good bit of money being this cartoon character of a person as well as finding someone half his age willing to bang him. All this because he landed a child acting job a long time ago before he stopped growing. Without that, he’d just be a black midget in Utah…and it’s hard to be more screwed over than that.

I’m not a car person. I hear people talk about cars, especially old ones, and they might as well be talking the African click-clock language. A badass car to me would be one with a bunch of cool stuff on the inside like TVs, computers, back massagers, etc. Other than that, a car gets me from point A to point B. This also applies to under the hood type stuff. The extent of my car knowledge is that you put gas in it and it goes.

I have taken my extensive car expertise and applied it to this post. MSNBC put out an article about ugly cars. It was kind of fun going through them, but the biggest problem was that 9 out of the 10 cars were from the 1970’s and earlier. Well obviously those are going to be ugly. That’s like having an ugly shirt list and including classic disco shirts.

I have remedied the situation and developed my own top 5 list of ugly cars that you can see on the road today. Let’s get started.

#5: Ford Mustang

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Damn, he’s right. He knows nothing about cars. The Mustang is awesome.” Well, I disagree and this is my list and not yours. Perhaps there is a little bit of bias injected into this as the Mustang, in high school, was the epitome of being a douchebag redneck. Wrap your head around that combination stereotype for a minute and welcome to my home town. The sight of a Ford Mustang takes me back the movie theater line and seeing hearing a parade of them driving around the parking lot with no mufflers and customized General Lee horns. I didn’t like them then, and I don’t like them now.

#4: Nissan Cube

This one almost falls into that famous paradox, “it’s so ugly, it’s cute.” The key to that statement though, is “it’s so ugly” and thus it makes the list. I remember when I first saw this car I wanted to vomit, but then I saw it again a couple weeks later and kinda wanted one. Then I saw it again…

#3: Pontiac Aztec

This one made the MSNBC list and when you Google ugly cars and look for images, it pops up more than most. And we all know, Google is never wrong. You might saw I copied MSNBC and Google for this one, but I posted the European version of the Aztec so it’s not quite the same.

#2: Smart Car

Ok, so it gets like 900 miles per gallon. Who cares? It’s hideous. It’s also the car that is most likely to get you killed in a wreck so it has that going against it as well.

#1: PT Cruiser - Woody

This car is beyond ugly. It’s simply gross. In a throwback to the old wooden station wagons, the PT Cruiser added the faux-wooden paneling to a version called, “Woody” but it doesn’t come close in enticing said title. Seriously, no one (in or out of their mind) could possibly see this vehicle and find it attractive. You can even say, “Well, maybe it’s pretty on the inside…that’s what counts,” because it’s not a person, it’s a car. It’s just grotesque. Then again, people like Indian jewelry so I guess there will almost be a niche out there for ugly cars as well.

The weather has been absolutely awful here in Arizona over the past week. Just horrid. I realize that most of the east coast is experiencing ice storms, freezing rain, and sub zero temperatures, but not taking that into consideration, it’s rained here for, like, four days in a row!

I forgot how bad I don’t like the rain. I don’t have an umbrella for lack of regular need, so when I am forced to walk from my car to my destination with the clouds open, I run. Well, I jog quickly at least. I don’t like getting drenched, and the wind is usually blowing which makes it cold and just overall not very pleasurable.

So this leads me to a pet peeve I have regarding this. I loath watching people walk in the rain like it’s not raining outside.

You know what I mean? It’s usually a guy and he doesn’t walk any faster than he normally would. He doesn’t even do the “act like you’re in a room with a low ceiling.” (demonstrated in the picture above) He just walks like it’s sunny outside in an apparent act to prove what a badass he is. Yeah, we get it. You have a better ability to withstand water pounding your head than me. Congrats. I’ll be the guy with dry clothes waiting inside the building to contratulate your wet ass when you get there.

Am I the only one who doesn’t really give a shit about Haiti? See that picture above? That is before the earthquake, not after…and you couldn’t even tell.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not pro-destruction, I don’t root for natural disasters, nor do I hate Haitians (or foreigners in general). But this is kind of like if a tornado took out all the alleys where homeless people live. They had terrible, miserable lives before this earthquake, and not one seemed to care then. Sure there were a few missionaries down there trying to meet their Jesus conversion quota and some medical staff buffing up their resumes, but there weren’t Haiti telethons a few weeks ago.

Now all of a sudden it’s this cool, sexy, trendy fad to donate money to Haiti. It’s like breast cancer awareness month on steroids. I think this is what gets me most. I support helping other in crisis (as long as its not me), but the fact that it has become the latest fashion trend is just absurd. Donating to Haiti is the new black.

What I don’t understand is why didn’t the California earthquake get hot? They had a 6.5 (Haiti had a 7.0) a week before and no one really seemed to care.

Time to get philosophical. What if the same earthquake occurred in Afghanistan? It affected the same number of people in the same way. Assuming no American soldiers were injured, would we give the same relief effort? We are in a war with Afghanistan (sort of) so would we be happy so many people died? Would we be dishing out money via text messages to help all the little Afghan babies with no mommies? I would say not. But why not? Aren’t we all humans? Shouldn’t we all help each other and Tweet about it?

Good news for Red Cross though. The economy was hurting their business for a while. I even read somewhere a couple months ago that they cashed a check for tens of thousands of dollars that bounced. Nothing like a good internet meme to replenish the stock pile.

Oh, and this just in. George Bush doesn’t care about Haitians either.

During my break, I got another hate mail.

Sweet.

This one comes from a Bryan and can be seen in the comment section of the Junior’s getting a new number post. For you lazy bastards, here is what he said:

I know this is an old post, but I don’t care, this has to be said. Don’t bash people on welfare for being ignorant NASCAR fans in the same sentence you use exuberant instead of exorbitant. Hey, at least you spelled the wrong word correctly. You also left out the word “the” somewhere, but one step at a time, right?

Hi, Bryan. Good to hear from you. Good catch on by exuberant/exorbitant flip flop. Next time I’ll make sure I use the right four syllable word so that redneck bashing can be substantiated. I reread the post, and didn’t catch the omitted ‘the’ but if I did, then please accept my most most humble apology for a typo that had no effect on the message of the post.

What I can’t figure out though, Bryan, is whether or not you are a NASCAR fanatic yourself or you are just defending them. Your far superior writing ability would indicate you’re a fellow of higher education, but that wouldn’t necessarily rule you of out of having to rework your number 8 tattoo. Maybe defending your family? (By the way, half my family fits the NASCAR stereotype so my freedom to make fun of these people is broader than average)

Either way, if you want to attack the actual message as opposed the medium in which it was delivered, the comment section is wide open.

Oh, and you spelled your name wrong.

Miss me? You thought I forgot about you didn’t you? Well I kinda did…sort of. I mean, it’s not like I purposefully avoided you. You see, it’s really mostly about lack of material. I mean, it’s bad blog etiquette to bitch about work, which I do 12 hours a day for 8 days straight at a time. Then on my off days, I usually just sit on the couch and count the seconds until I can go to sleep or work again…so…outside of talking about my strategy of sitting on different spots on the couch so that one area doesn’t get worn out faster than others, I got nothing.

However, I will give an obligatory, “I’ll try and do better…” and see what happens.