I must give a disclaimer before beginning this post: I do not watch NASCAR. That being said, I marvel at those who do. Obviously there are exceptions, but take a minute to paint an image of the stereotypical NASCAR fanatic. Not just fan who watches the occasional race on Sunday…but the true fanatic who devotes their life to loud billboards racing around a track. K…hold that image.

Near the pinnacle of NASCAR’s all stars lies Dale Earnhardt Jr. Granted, he sort of fell into grace genetically, but nonetheless, he’s there. Evidently he is changing driving teams, and therefore changing numbers. He’s going from the number 8 to 88, and he will also no longer be sponsored by Budweiser. I find this hilarious, and here’s why:

Still have that image? If it’s anywhere close to the image I have, you have depicted a pretty rough, blue collar guy decked out in his favorite driver’s attire. That’s the thing with the stereotypical fanatic…they must spend 40% of their income on NASCAR merchandise. Now…all those people who have dumped thousands and thousands of dollars into number 8 decals, shirts with an airbrushed Dale on the front wearing a Bud hat, and car/truck paint to duplicate the likeness of the #8 car have just gotten the biggest facial of their lifetime. Now they have to go buy a whole new set of 8s and hope they match the one they already have. Either that or just buy all new 88 decals, shirts, and paint jobs. And there’s not much they can do with the old stuff besides send it to the trash.

Then come the idea of all those tattoos! Thats right, tattoos! That has to be awkward walking into a parlor having to say, “You reckon you can squeeze another 8 in there between the first one and the checkered flag?” There’s really no way to make that look good…not that an 8 beside a checkered flag looked good on your forearm in the first place.

License plates will have to be changed as well. Just on my way home tonight I saw IRNHRT 8. Evidently, ERNHRT 8 was already taken and he had to improvise. In Virginia, you can only have 7 characters on your plate, so this guy is out of luck if he thinks he can get another 8 on there. If he hurries, he might be able to get “ERNHT 88″ before that other guy gets it.

As you can see, I could go on and on with this. There’s just some sort of cynical euphoria I get knowing that people on welfare are going to have to spend an exuberant amount of money to redecorate their trailers because Junior and his step mom couldn’t get along. Maybe now they’ll have less money to buy their $1.00 prescriptions and won’t come bother me all time. Then again, they’ll probably just be that much more pissed off when they do. Oh well, git r done, Dale!

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 20th, 2007 at 6:13 am and is filed under Sports, Vanity Plates. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.